I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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