paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
