Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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