she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
