You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
