hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
