I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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