He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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