I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
