I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He felt like a one man threesome
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
