Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
