nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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