Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
