summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
