I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
