oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Semen is not good for contacts.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
