What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
