im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
sex in a hospital.. check
YAS. BRING CRAB.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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