He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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