It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
