As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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