then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
