dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
