He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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