It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
