my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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