I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
