i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
