let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then my night got REAL pukey
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
