So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
