she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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