TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i drank out of a bidet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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