My liver just broke up with me...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize