I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
