Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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