once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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