oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
