it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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