I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
