That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
