i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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