Quick, to the slutcave!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
