ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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