i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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