My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
