I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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