god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
