So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
