Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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