He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
