with your own penis?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
