Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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