So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Where is the hickey?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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