I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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