goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
