sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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