I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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