So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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