a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
