Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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