i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
