I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
