I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
