sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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